I was leaving Wal-Mart the other day and saw, from a distance, 3 people (and a dog) that I thought were possibly homeless or just hungry. I got the twinge I always get when I see someone begging (especially when they have an animal with them) and I turned around in the parking lot so I could go out by them to give them some money. (Please know, I do not always do this. Sometimes I do, but a lot of the time I don't have cash or I don't make a point of going out of my way to take any money to them.) Anyway, as I got close to them, I could see it was two guys and a girl (and the dog). They were young, maybe early twenties. The girl was holding a sign the simply said "Adventurers...Out of Diesel". I handed them a few dollars and drove on, but something about that sign tugged at my soul. Adventurers, out of diesel. Adventurers. I think it was that word that got to me. That and the fact that they were honest about why they needed money. They were driving an old school bus that had been spray painted with slogans and signs that probably made sense to them. I have to confess, I wanted to go back and ask if I could join them. I wanted to know where they were going, where they had been and what they hoped to find along the way. I wanted to take them to eat and spend some time getting to know them. I did none of that. I just drove on home, talking to myself the whole way. But ever since then, I have been so restless inside. They reminded me of the person I once was. No, I never took of in an old school bus and begged for money to get gas to power my adventures, but I would have if someone had asked me to. Long before I had "responsibilities". Long before I became mired in the muck of every day. Before life got in the way. I know I don't have children to support or a mortgage to pay, but my responsibilities do keep me tethered. I long to cut those tethers and go. Buy an old RV and pack what I need and my kitty cats and go. I said, after my Daddy died, knowing all of the things he want to do but never got to do that I would have no excuses anymore. If I wanted to go do something, I was going to go do it. But, I find myself making more excuses and sinking deeper into my rut than ever. I long to be that free. To not have stuff to worry about, be able to pick up and go whenever and wherever, to be free. I wonder if I will ever make it?
Several years ago I read received an email from a couple of different people. I don't know how much of the story is true and how much of it was just made up, but it had a similar effect on me. The gist of this email was a man saw what looked like a homeless man, but it turned out that he had chosen to travel from place to place, with only what he could carry in his backpack and depending strictly on the kindness of strangers. He was doing this with a purpose though. He was spreading the gospel as he went. He was literally following Matthew 6:25-34. He was trusting God to take care of all of his needs...shelter, clothing, food...everything. I wish I had that much Faith. Heck, not just Faith, but trust. I guess I don't trust God to really take care of me that way. I want to, but as the saying goes, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. One day, I am probably going to regret NOT taking a such a leap. And, honestly, God has never told me to leave everything I own and set out with just a few things in a pack and tell everyone I meet about Him. But He has told me to tell others about Him, and lately, I haven't even been doing that. And sometimes I wonder if He hasn't told me to go. Maybe not to that extreme, but to go. Visit other churches, go out into the less traveled places and tell people. Actually, I know that He has told me that. He has told all of us that claim to know Him that we are to go and tell. I used to. Again, I let life get in the way. I have been so wrapped up in me and my hurt and my pain that I haven't been able to see past the end of my nose. I want to change that. I intend to try to change that. And I know it is not through my power that it will change, but strictly through His. So if I come to mind, please pray. Hopefully it will mean I am in the process of changing.
