The Leader of The Band

I love Dan Fogelberg's music. (Or as Opus so wonderfully said about him when he found out his girlfriend had a tattoo of his face..."Dan Fogelburb?")  I have always had a soft spot for his soft rock tunes. I have to admit, I only discovered the song "Netherlands" a few years ago when I purchased a "Best Of" CD.  I love it.  Absolutely adore it!  It feels like he was writing about me when he wrote that song.  But I will always have such amazingly fond memories of "Run for the Roses", "Same Old Lang Syne" and of course, "Longer".  If I ever get married, I want "Longer" to be in my wedding in some fashion.  Yes, I grew up on his music and it is such a part of me and the tapestry of my life. All these years later his music still has the power to move me. But the song that probably means the most to me, and has become such a poignant song in the last few years is "Leader of The Band".  While it isn't exactly like my Father's life, there are certain verses that so make me think of Daddy...

The leader of the Band is tired and his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band.

I thank you for the music and your stories of the road
Thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go
I thank you for your kindness and the times when you got tough
But Papa I don't think I said I love you near enough.

I have always liked this song, even before I really understood what it was all about. As I got older, and I came to realize just how much like my Daddy I was, it really had a deeper meaning to me.  No, my dad wasn't a working musician, but he did love music.  He was always whistling or singing snippits of songs or making up his own songs.  I guess I was destined to love music because both sides of my family are musically inclined, but I know his love of music was a big influence on me. So he was the leader of our "band".  And his blood does run though me, though my voice, though my heart and soul...my instrument.  One of the greatest compliments I have ever received was when my Grannie (daddy's Mom) looked at me and said, "Your eyes look just like Junior's".  I do have his eyes.  I have so much of him.  Maybe that's why the past 2 years have been so hard.  I miss him so much more than I ever thought possible.  And as we approach the anniversary of his death, this year is even so much harder than last year was.  Maybe because I haven't really dealt with his death.  I grieved, but I don't know that I have ever really dealt with all of my feelings and emotions.  I am going to start working on that soon.  So, even though I miss the leader of our band, I know he wouldn't want me to continue the way I have been.  I know he would want me to move on and remember the good times and appreciate all the great memories.  And I hope I told him enough just how much I loved him. And still do.  And I KNOW I will see him again one day.  But I miss him every day.  But as the song said, "My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man, I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band."  I want him to be proud of me.  I want to live up to his legacy.